#5: The Crooner

This week: Josh sings a power ballad as his redemption for missing last week’s word of the day, this word of the day being quantophrenia. We also talk about eating weird things, hugging maniacs, the most sick Would you Rathers that Jerry has come up with, flea markets, fart gambling, Missed Connections, Guilty pleasures, and insulting Stay at home moms.

Notes for people who are nosey:

UNCIVILIZED BEHAVIOR
Ep. 5

INTRO:

How your week went (blah, blah, blah)
– Taxes
– Trade show, improv, and eyes
– Hazzah, Fiverr

JOSH WILL SING: Little Mermaid (part of that world) and blood will run (from our ears)

WORD OF THE DAY: quantophrenia- an obsessive reliance on mathematical methods or results

SAME OLD RIFF RAFF:
– Sushi- Other weird things you eat
– Huggers
– “I don’t wanna sound gay” (too late)

SPONSOR: Cocktails with Punch!

WOULD YOU RATHER:
-walk barefooted on rusty nails that are all sticking point up and guaranteed to give you tinnitus for 300 feet OR walk the same distance on razor blades that have been used to chop cocaine into lines
-Have a 400 pound hairy norwegian man bathe your whole body with his unwashed musty scrotum OR cover you in his fishy smelling, corn filled, ass hair infused, shit
-drink a glass of cud filled, slimy, warm cow saliva OR ingest the cold, stinking, sticky remains of 5 dead banana slugs
-Eat someone’s warm, freshly purged,  mucus laden, nacho vomit in its entirety OR eat a used urinal cake and wash it down with the dirty urine and feces tainted mop water from the gas station bathroom it was in (the whole bucket).
-chew a piece of toenail off the dirty infected pus covered foot of a homeless man OR make out with his sweaty, rashy, odiferous, hairy, lice filled armpit (where it is guartanteed that hair will come off in your mouth)

RIFFLE RAFFLE: skippity scapel
– Flea Markets -other places you shop
– Snagglepuss
– Fart gambling

MISSED CONNECTIONS:

Jedi Needed To Induce Labor


Date: 2011-06-15, 5:35PM EDT



I am nearing towards my due date and I am miserable. My child is about 9 lbs now and I still have 2 weeks to go.
I was hoping that tonight’s full moon will do the trick, but this child is as snug as a bug in my uterus.

I’m looking for someone who possesses Jedi powers to use their mind tricks on my child to convince him to come early. The sooner the better.

If you are a master in the way’s of the Jedi please help me deliver this child! Many thanks and may the force be with you!

  • Location: Springfield, MA
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: Used Light Saber

Jogging Partner


Date: 2011-05-26, 9:09PM CDT



I am looking for a person of athletic build to help me get in shape.
I hate exercising with passion so the plan of action is this: I ingest Rohypnol [you supply the roofies as I don’t know where to purchase them] and you strap my body to yours [limbs to limbs using velcro] and take me along on a jog. Three nights a week. If you’re capable and interested, E-mail me so that we can discuss the fee.

a big healthy shit


Date: 2010-01-24, 6:13PM CST



come and get it while it’s still fresh has corn in it from the other night looks to be about a pound looking to trade it for a nice speed boat or something fuck i dont know email me with what your willing to trade 100 bucks takes this awesome keep sake it’s a must have trust me!

penis caught in my zipper at el biet – m4w


Date: 2010-01-01, 10:21PM EST



i had just gone in for a normal pee, but the way you pounded, and pounded, and pounded on the door screaming “out! i have diarrhea! out! for the love of god come out, its coming out of my butt, pleeeeease!!!” got me so turned on that i got an erection. then, because your kicking started splintering the door, i quickly yanked up my zipper and caught my penis up in the process. i’m sorry again for the screaming as you pushed me down and sat down with the door hanging off it’s hinges, but the look of sheer horror and embarrassment we shared in front of the staff and other patrons looking on before you ran out the back door and climbed over the fence has captured my heart. please describe what i was wearing so i know its you.

Manhood Camping


Date: 2011-05-08, 7:35PM PDT



Manhood Camping Firequest. Lookin’ for a 100% for real bros to share/experience manhood in all its glory. This is for real, I don’t want to waste my time or yours. 100% JO and manhood, no sugar added. I AM NOT GAY. Don’t even think this is a sex thing, it’s all about manhood.

Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.

THIS IS NOT A SEX THING.

Gonna need some basic things/skills, I don’t want to be slowed down by fools:

– must be in reasonable shape, if you get winded walking then stay home
– Ed Hardy camping gear, it’s really good gear and it’s awesome
– desire to be a man among men
– not afraid to wield a blade
– crystal, I’m not sharing mine
– must be able to make a fire
– gloves
– a knowledge of native vegetation (knowledge of psychotropic fungus a plus)
– knowledge of modern music
– protective/splash resistant eye wear
– 5 – 10 of those clip things that rock climbers use

We are gonna need a mobile music device, ipod or something. I’m bringing the music for the firequests and visionquests, Nickleback’s The Long Road. I only have it on CD, so I’ll have my discman as a last resort, an ipod would be nicer. Just sayin’.

Dont’ want to see”

– bad attitudes
– gay/homoerotic behavior, this is a manhood thing. I AM NOT GAY.
– cock rings, can’t keep it up w/o help, you aren’t gonna make it on this quest
– firearms, there’s gonna be enough guns going off and spent shells to pick up
– the nerds/dorks/lames/and anyone less than 100% into manhood.

If you are serious, then I promise you this will be the trip of your life. It will change the way you think. I’m serious, and I AM NOT GAY. To see a group of bros being men, a JO circle by a camp fire. The charge/energy in the air. Crystals get jacked, no lie. You will slip into a different frame of mind, you will feel electric.

Last outing, we had a group that was so charged we attracted bears. It was no deal, nature knew man was in the forest, the crystals gave us the confidence to own those bears. I saw it, I was there.

100% SERIOUS, NO FAKERS

WTF:
http://www.geekologie.com/2012/02/challenge-accepted-expert-mode-toilet.php
http://www.geekologie.com/2012/02/another-day-another-stupid-japanese-face.php

Rickity Riff Raff:
– “The Loogie” -Other times getting in trouble for no reason.
– Guilty Pleasures
– Still fucking hate the French

INSULT OF THE WEEK:

This one goes out to…. Stay at home moms. You are all worthless wastes of lives. I’m ashamed to breathe the same air as you. At this point your brain doesn’t need that much oxygen so why are you so goddamn selfish? Speaking of selfish… while you’re supposed to be home taking care of your 17 children, you’re out getting sloshed with your Sarah Jessica Parker wannabe friends at the local Arbys mixing vodka into your diet coke. I sit at a booth nearby and all I hear is you talking shit about some kid on your son’s soccer team who’s just not as good as your kid, then cackling like a witch gargling the delivery man’s cock. But you and I both know you wanna fuck him. And speaking of COCK, you and your group of hens for friends sitting around in your book club just waiting for a fox to enter your hen house. Next time you leave your 2 year old at the top of the stares to live your life, go get yourself your 43rd botox injection and throw yourself in front of a train you Mary Poppins British bitches! I can’t stand your stupid umbrella and your trolla lola la bullshit. So, in summary…. FUCK YOU! (this does not apply to stay at home dads… cause they are awesome. Especially those in Georgia)

Plugs:
-Jerry plugs
-Thoren Plugs
-Josh Plugs
-Google +
-Facebook
-Twitter
-Website
-Email
Outro:
Goodbyes and Surprise

Advertisements