This week special guest Casey Tigue joins us on the show! The word of the day is “lalochezia” (Jerry did not say it in compliance with the rules). We talk about Dick Clark, on the new segment Media Moneyshot we mention “Ted” the movie, Civil Suits, Real life barbie, how we would steal the crown jewels, how the French invented Codeine, and we insult people who take things way too seriously!
– Utter Laziness
– Research, caffeine withdrawals
– Casey has nothing to talk about!!!!
WORD OF THE DAY:
– lalochezia-The use of foul or abusive language to relieve stress or ease pain
– Dick Clark
SPONSOR: Cocktails with Punch!
– “Ted” http://www.tedisreal.com/
– Civil Suits
Cop who gave me a ticket for drinking in public – m4w
Date: 2008-06-01, 4:46PM CDT
We already had a drink together kind of. What with me sitting on a stoop finishing my Stella while you wrote me a ticket. But I feel kind of bad that our first date involved a couple of my friends, who were none too sober, and you had a workmate out with you. Also, while you seemed real interested in me: you took my address, phone number, height, weight, even eye color, I didn’t even get your name. Frankly, I found your instant fascination with me a little flattering, if slightly creepy. I suppose a gals gotta be on her guard these days though. Still, it’s not very flirty to take down my DL number.
Anyway, you did set up a second date with me but it was at a courthouse in the early afternoon and you kept telling me I didn’t have to go if I don’t want to. You had the courage to just pull over onto the side of the road to talk to me but you’re being coy about our second encounter? What gives?
Maybe we could go somewhere a little less arrestee instead. We’d have to go dutch since I’ll be spending my date money on the fine you gave me but you seemed like a pretty independent woman so I don’t suspect you’ll have too much of a problem with that.
You were really pretty with a surprisingly warm smile given the situation. I was the one who made a joke about pronouncing “stella” with a proper French accent. We could be like the lamest cop/criminal romantic comedy ever. You could be torn between your job and me and ultimately figure out zany ways to thwart my schemes to drink in public without landing me in the slammer. It’d be great.
Seriously though officer, do you wanna go on a date?
KERMIT SEEKS PIGGY
Date: 2008-04-19, 2:10PM EDT
For the longest time, I have admired the dynamic between this cross species couple. But then, sometime during the 80s, a commercial for the Muppets: Live on Stage added a new dimension. In it, a stretch limousine was pulling up in front of a theater. A footman opened the door, and a shapely, rather thick leg stepped onto the red carpet. As the rest of the form followed, it was revealed that it belonged to a woman wearing a full bodied Miss Piggy costume under an alluring evening dress. AND I WANTED HER. And, to be quite honest, I’ve never stopped.
Some time ago, I found an original full head rubber Miss Piggy mask, circa 1977, complete with a full head of long blond hair. I am looking for a tall, sexy BBW, preferably over 300 pounds, to wear this mask to bed. She should also be open to playing with plastic wrap and liquid latex. Blonde is best, I suppose, but not necessary. Who knows � for the right woman I might just get a green rubber suit and a Kermit mask.
I want to fuck a skanky Republican chick – m4w
Date: 2007-12-15, 9:31PM PST
I want to fuck a peroxide-blonde richbitch daddy’s girl. I want to fuck a hotter, younger, stupider (if possible) version of Ann Coulter. You preferably grew up on Mercer Island and had your 16th birthday shown on “My Super Sweet 16.” It’s okay if you’re only a republican because your parents are and you don’t even know how many houses Congress has. At the very least I want to fuck a girl who wears a cross and thinks the Iraq War is a great idea.
I’m am a skinny-jean wearing hipster who goes to Evergreen, supports Dennis Kucinich and only listens to mix tapes of obscure 70’s pop.
I am sick of cool, interesting girls who are more likely to make out with other girls than me.
I want the most bland, insipid cockgobbler on this side of the Cascades. I’ve always wanted to blow my load in your lip-glossed, bubble-gum chewing mouth, but class, social groups and a sense of morality have prevented me.
Your pictures get my smarmy pretension.
We met over a steaming pile of turds. . .
Date: 2007-07-27, 3:26PM EDT
Me- I was picking up my dog’s shit, following the law, minding my own business.
You- old woman who looked like a broomstick with a bad weave- who said to me mid-scoop “you shouldn’t let your dog do that (poop), he should do it over there (points to middle of street)”
I just wanted to say I should’ve gotten your phone number, but I was just too angry to ask. You see, I felt a real connection between us. The audacity of an old bag to yell at my (4 pound puppy nonetheless) dog for shitting, having the shit picked up and then properly thrown away, overwhelmed me with rage. And I like to surround myself with petty, trite people that fill me with rage. My shrink says it’s ‘constructive.’
So how about this, give me your number and the next time my dog needs to take a shit I’ll drop you a line, come over, and let him shit in your wrinkled crusty mouth.
Riff to the Raff:
– how to be a cat burglar
– Codeine first isolated in 1832 by Pierre Robiquet
INSULT OF THE WEEK:
This one goes out to…… people who take things way too seriously. Why don’t you go jump off a cliff you stupid cunts, and while you’re on your descent try and find your sense of humor on the way down. It would be nice to be able to tell a joke once in a while, but then you, and your easily offended asshole come waltzing in… killing my buzz and cock blockin my jokes. It’s called Sarcasm, genius. Just like when your mother says that she loves you. She should have shaken you as an infant. So the next time start to furrow your brow while everyone else in the room is laughing, go out to a garbage dump and crush your “funny bones” in a trash compactor. In case you haven’t gotten it yet… The jokes on you! GO FUCK YOURSELF!
JERRY “Cunnalingus” JONES:
CASEY “Pineapple Dick” TIGUE:
JOSH “Pasty Pants” MUSSER:
-Tell Your Friends! cause we’re a cult